He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
