doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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