she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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