I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
