sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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