Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize