New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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