omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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