Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
