I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
