I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
