you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
