Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
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i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
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My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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