who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize