Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
