And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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