mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
