We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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