Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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