i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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