Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My bed smells like the plague
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
