fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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