Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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