i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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