shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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