Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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