I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
