I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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