i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
