life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
