I must be too annoying 4 u.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
