no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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