i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Plan B is the new Plan A
I will die if light touches me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
