Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
