and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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