i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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