my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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