he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
