Nicole vs. Life
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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