Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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