I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
