Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
