Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
