if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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