I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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