Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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