i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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