where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
