i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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