That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I looked at my own cervix.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
