We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize