my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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