dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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