We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
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My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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