I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
