There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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