I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
