Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
