wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
