There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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