I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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